Push (2009)

What I expected:

If you have seen the preview for Push you know that it looks exciting, features cool special effects and has an interesting premise. A bunch of telekinetic teenagers are trying to avoid being controlled by the government. Not bad as a starting point. This is Dakota Fanning’s first “grown-up” role, where she is not relying on the adult in the picture to make things happen – also exciting. I was not holding it against the movie that Chris Evans was in it. My hopes were high going into this one.

What I got:

I should have held Chris Evans against this movie! And Dakota Fanning! And really anybody else associated with this piece of trash. Shame on everybody!

You know how The Matrix walked that fine line between self-important and tongue-in-cheek and how it had a storyline? That is what this movie should have been. Instead it was needlessly hyper-violent, insipid and lacked any kind of plot you could possibly discern or care about.

Usually there is more to the storyline than what I can cover in the intro of a review. Not in this case. That really is it. Why did they bother with writing credits for David Bourla? Maybe it is so that other producers can know to stay away from ever using him?

The director, Paul McGuigan, certainly is the main culprit here. When you affect big glasses as “your look” is should signal that you have vision. Not that you are too blind to see what you are creating. What he “created” is not even really a feature film. It is the movie equivalent of a computer game: A little bit of dialogue to set up the next frenetic action sequence.

That formula has kinda worked for the Resident Evil franchise and for UltraViolet – neither any great shakes, but at least we had Milla Jovovich (catsuits – yum) to look at while being bored. In this case, you would be a pervert to have those tingly feelings for Dakota Fanning and since this movie can’t possibly appeal to girls, the demographic you are left with is pre-pubescent boys that find Chris Evans dreamy. Not a big demographic.

Camilla Belle is reasonably hot, but by the time you meet her character in the movie, you just don’t care anymore. She came to this project fresh off 10,000BC, so she may need to talk to her agent about what happened there.

I’m sure Dakota Fanning will emerge unscathed. Her career has been too strong so far, that one minor bump could derail her. Chris Evans however, could be in serious danger of getting stuck making this kind of garbage. He is cast to play Jack Kerouac in Kill your Darlings (2010) – I wonder how that will go? I’m not waiting up for that Oscar nomination.

Whatever you do, do NOT waste your money on Push. I literally fell asleep watching this pile of poo. It is not unwatchable, so much as you just find yourself not watching.

Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.