Alice in Wonderland (2010)

2010 Movies Reviews, On DVD

What I expected:

It was hard not to be excited about the prospect of Tim Burton taking on Alice in Wonderland. It is a dark and twisted tale, inspired by a drug trip, that takes place in a world that makes no sense. How perfect for Tim Burton. To add further fuel to my arousal, the early stills were breathtaking, which I posted about previously.

What I got:

When you first meet Alice (Mia Wasikowska,) she is now a grown woman of 20, so already you know not to expect the same story as in the book or in the original animated Disney classic. She shows early signs of being at odds with her Edwardian lifestyle, and when she finds herself on the receiving end of a proposal of marriage in front of hundreds of people, she has no choice but to take a moment to investigate a rabbit in a waistcoat that keeps beckoning her, instead of accepting the offer.

What follows is a wonderous romp through the looking glass, Tim Burton style.

Everyone is older now, and the politics between the queens has deteriorated into open war. My favorite character in the whole movie is the Red Queen (Helena Bonham Carter.) She is wonderfully preposterous with her huge head and short temper. Anne Hathaway plays the White Queen and she lets out some of her disturbing side, which is  new and very welcome. Johnny Depp is scene-stealing as the Mad Hatter and the voice talents of Stephen Fry and Alan Rickman are put to good use as the Cheshire Cat and the Blue Caterpillar respectively. Crispin Glover is Stayne, the Red Queens knight and right hand man and he does a good job of the role. I am not much of a Crispin Glover fan, but he does well here.

The art direction is the true star of this movie. It is so lush and fully realized that it takes your breath away. Lewis Carroll would be truly pleased to see his characters comport themselves in such a marvelous world. Tim Burton has truly created a masterpiece in Alice in Wonderland. This one is worth seeing on the big screen and a must for the DVD collection as well.

Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.

Robin Hood (2010)

2010 Movies Reviews, In Theaters

What I expected:

My brother-in-law maintains that “Ridley Scott has never made a bad movie,” and I so wanted that to be true of this Robin Hood. The story of the merry men from Sherwood Forest was a fondly remembered part of my childhood and I did not want it messed with, just to prove that he could.

What I got:

If you expect the Robin Hood story you know and love, this movie ain’t it!

Instead it attempts to tell the story of what came before the standard narrative. It seems Ridley thought we didn’t know that part of the story as well, and as such he took great liberty with accepted cannon. But if you grew up on Robin Hood, you DO know that Robin was an honest young man who was made an outlaw because he hunted in the royal forest; that he gathered his men around him one by one; and that he and Marion were childhood friends and rekindled their love for each other as adults. None of that is in the story told here.

Instead you get a rehash of Gladiator (which was an awesome movie by the way) except that Russell Crowe is now recast as a not-so-nice guy unlike Gladiator’s Maximus who was righteous, courageous and good, and thus became the inspiration in naming our dog, Max. Here he underhandedly pretends to be Robert of Locksley when he returns to England to bring the news of King Richard’s death in the war against the Normans. Does any of this sound like something you recognize as the “becoming” story of Robin Hood?

I won’t deny that Ridley Scott makes a kick-ass epic and he gets props for all the things you would expect to be flawless: the art direction, costumes, scenery, weapons, battles and general atmospherics.

Beyond that though, who thought of casting Russell Crowe as Robin. He is supposed to be lithe, charming and a leader who wins the people over with his cunning and wit, not an overweight brute who spends most of the movie throwing the camera morose looks. And the idea that Marion (Kate Blanchett) would have anything to do with him is so ludicrous that not even the writers had the heart to write it. Instead they wrote their relationship as one of convenience and they become man and wife as a business arrangement. How romantic!

If you have not already plunked down your hard-earned dollars on this one, don’t bother. If you like your Robin fun and charming, this one will just frustrate you. I hate to say it, but Ridley broke his stride with this one. I’m sure he’ll get back to making great movies, I just hope he doesn’t try to get back on the horse with a sequel. To quote our last president: “Fool me once… can’t be fooled again.”

Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.

Iron Man 2 (2010)

2009 Movies Reviews, In Theaters

What I expected:

I like to approach any sequel with a fair amount of apprehension. You know going in that if there was one bad guy in the first movie, the second has to have at least two, preferably more. If the first one had explosions, the sequel will have many explosions – you get the idea. Everything has to be bigger, badder and more perilous to satisfy the studio heads that green-light these things. That doesn’t always make for great movie making, even if it does keep the special effects team in business.

What I got:

This installment of the Iron Man saga features not one, but two bad guys and an army of drone minions to ensure the battles are spectacular enough. On the side of the angels you also get not just one, but two suited heroes, with a shadowy organization in the background to pull strings for the good guys. So yes, everything is bigger, better, more. As expected.

What was a bit of a surprise was how relatively little fighting there is. We are treated to a wonderful sequence in Monaco during a Formula 1 race where the big bad, played by Mickey Rourke in his best pro-wrestler style – tears Tony Stark’s (Robert Downey, Jr.) race car to pieces with these wicked power-whips that can cut cleanly through steel. The other scene that has any real fighting is the final battle, which lasts well over half an hour with many bouts and lots of explosions. By then the army of droid minions have been deployed by the two bad guys and Iron Man gets help from the Silver Centurion (Don Cheadle filling the role of Rhodie vacated by Terrance Howard) – just to even the odds.

The other bad guy is the evil weapons contractor played by Sam Rockwell. You may have seen him in Moon last year or in Choke or Frost/Nixon the year before, but he is still not that well known yet. I really like his work. He gets into the material and is not afraid to overact as needed. The way he does it, it tends to be a good thing. But speaking of over-actors, Samuel L. Jackson shows up again as Nick Fury, the head of the shady government organization S.H.I.E.L.D. He was briefly introduced in the first Iron Man movie and he gets a few more over-the-top lines here. We will see much more of him in “Thor” and “The Avengers” so look out for plenty of Nick Fury in the next couple of years. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Scarlett Johansson makes her debut this time as Natasha Romanoff, a very capable double-agent for S.H.I.E.L.D. who is also the personal assistant to Pepper Potts (Gwynneth Paltrow.) Again with the doubling of everything. We have not one, but two babes. I’m not complaining, but the priciple bears out.

For all the time, effort and talent thrown at this sequel, it seems like a transition movie – not a fully realized movie of its own. Sure the storyline is largely self-contained, but with all the setups for movies to come, it seems like all the good stuff is still in our future. Here’s hoping that’s true, ‘cause when all is said and done Iron Man 2 is entertaining, but it just leaves you wishing for more – not just double of everything.

Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.

Kick-Ass (2010)

2009 Movies Reviews, In Theaters

What I expected:

I used to read comic books when I was a kid, but I have not kept up with the newer titles, so basically anything after 1982 or so, I’m not that familiar with. That is the case with Kick-Ass. All I knew beforehand was that it featured kids that dressed up like superheroes, and that it had comedy actors in it. Ergo, I didn’t have many pre-conceived notions, but hoped it would be funny. And with a title like “Kick-Ass” I was expecting some of that, too.

What I got:

Imagine a mash-up of a junior high Halloween party, The Matrix and Spiderman and you have some sense of what Kick-Ass is all about. It follows most traditional comic book movie conventions, except the “super”-heroes are 11 and 17 and have no powers of their own.

It all starts with a simple question: Why hasn’t anybody ever tried to become a superhero? Dress up in a costume and go out and fight crime? Our “hero” Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) asks that question and decides to act on it. He orders a wetsuit and hits the streets to fight crime. Unfortunately, the streets hit back, and he quickly finds himself in the hospital with massive trauma to most of his body and extensive nerve damage.

Meanwhile Hit Girl (Chloë Grace Moretz) and her dad Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage) are fighting crime for their own reasons in the same city and they cross paths with Kick-Ass to mixed results. They are much more serious about their craft, and have the training to go with it. Whereas he cowers in a corner whimpering when things get hairy.

Our final “super” is the villain of the story; Red Mist played by Christopher Mintz-Plasse – better known as McLovin’ of Superbad fame – who is the son of the crime lord in town, whose business the heroes are messing with.

Everything is hyper-violent in the grand Matrix tradition, and the movie uses every cliché you can think of from comic book movies. All in all it is a successful attempt at doing something interesting with the genre. Using kids in the roles of the “supes” highlights some of the silliness of the superhero meme to great comedic effect. That is especially true of Hit Girl – the eleven-year-old girl – who has a mouth like a sailor. In one of her early scenes she explains how to get a hold of her and her dad: “You just contact the mayor’s office. He has a special signal he shines in the sky; it’s in the shape of a giant cock.”

And that really says it all. This movie pokes fun at itself and the genre in a raw, yet gentle and loving way that allows us all to cringe that we love these movies so much, without making us so embarrassed that we can’t show up for Iron Man 2 which clearly we all will.

Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.

How to trian your dragon (2010)

2010 Movies Reviews, In Theaters

What I expected:

In the interest of full disclosure, I am 100% Danish and as such very protective of my Viking heritage. That meant I was excited that an animation studio would make a movie about Vikings while  concerned that they would not do a good job, and be too cavalier with the culture. But most of all I felt like this: Vikings and Dragons: woo hoo!!! What’s not to like?

What I got:

That’s right: What’s not to like? The scenery is gorgeous; the Vikings are funny, cute and tough; the dragons breathe most excellent fire and the story is complex with an interesting enough twist, that the whole thing works. The characters are familiar, but not to the point where you feel like they are recycled.

Oh, and then there is Astrid… mmmm… Astrid. She is the love interest of the main character, Hiccup and she has promptly pushed Jessica Rabbit off the top of my all-time animated babes top-10 list. Is she a little young? Perhaps. But that is the beauty of animation. Age is not an object. Astrid is voiced by America Ferrera, who is best known as Ugly Betty. Did I mention: Astrid: Mmmm!

Gerald Butler and Craig Fergusson lend their voices to the two main adult Vikings in the story. That Vikings would have a Scottish accent seems perfectly reasonable in this world where Vikings and dragons live together in a very uneasy kill-or-be-killed symbiosis on a desolate rock in the middle of no-where. Seems very Scottish somehow…

Our hero, Hiccup (voiced by Jay Baruchel,) is not much of a fighter and really doesn’t want to kill anything. When he is given the opportunity to kill a dragon he can’t do it, and instead befriends it. Their friendship goes against everything the Vikings believe, so he hides it for a while, but is finally exposed. That gives him the opportunity to show the rest of the village that the dragons are really misunderstood and together they lead the charge to change the way the two species co-exist.

I’m intrigued that this movie has gotten so little press for being so universally acclaimed and for being such a good movie. Puzzling. Granted it is not a “BIG” movie, but it is very well done and doesn’t hit a false note that I could detect. Whatever the reason, who cares. I would highly recommend How to train your dragon to people of all ages. And, if you have Viking blood in your veins, you will just enjoy it all the more.

Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.

Hot Tub Time Machine (2010)

2010 Movies Reviews, In Theaters

What I expected:

If you throw Rob Cordray (The Daily Show,) Clark Duke (Sex Drive,) John Cusack (Say Anything & Better Off Dead,) and Craig Robinson (The Office & Pineapple Express) into a bag and shake it, you’d expect something funny to happen. Using the premise of  a hot tub as a time machine to go back to the 80’s also seems like a decent device. I expected this to be funny and not to tax my synapses too much.

What I got:

I love John Cusack as much as the next person who was a teenager in the 80’s. He made truly wonderful movies with John Hughes and defined an era. Say Anthing and Better Off Dead are still two of my favorite movies. I have also enjoyed much of what he has done since – movies like Grosse Point Blank and War, Inc. What is starting to grate me though, is that he is always playing the same guy! That is unfortunately also the case here with Hot Tub Time Machine and it’s kind of a shame, since his character could have been anything. In fairness, this movie does spend a good part of its runtime in the 80’s so maybe they can be forgiven for harking back to what made Cusack famous then? I guess. It just seems too easy and lame to me.

Casting Rob Cordray as a duche is not really a stretch either, or Clark Duke as the nerd that has trouble getting girls. The role he played in Sex Drive worked, exactly because it did not play to stereotype but not here. I guess that is what got to me about this movie. It made nothing but safe and predictable choices and could have been so much more if it had only chosen to dare a little.

Throwing Chevy Chase in as the weird hot tub repair guy didn’t really make matters any better. When was the last time this guy was funny? The 80″s? (Ah, that explains it…)

By contrast is the overall movie funny? Sure it has funny moments, but not enough to give you a good workout or anything. All in all I found it disappointing but not to the point where I regret seeing it. I had just hoped for more.

Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.

(500 ) Days of Summer (2009)

2009 Movies Reviews, On DVD

What I expected:

I like the Deschanel sisters quite a bit. Emily is great in Bones and Zooey was wonderful in Weeds and Yes Man. I really like Zooey’s slightly crazed cuteness, and very much looked forward to seeing it again here in (500) Days of Summer. Joseph Gordon-Levitt was a lot of fun in 3^rd Rock from the Sun, so I had high hopes for the comedic chemistry and hoped this indie production would provide a fun and off-beat light snack of a movie.

What I got:

At first the title confused me: “(500) Days of Summer” – that seems like a lot of years, doesn’t it? I mean that would be 5-7 years depending on where you live. Well, it isn’t meant like that. Summer is the name of one of the two main characters (Zooey Deschanel.) She is the love interest of Tom Hansen (Joseph Gordon-Lewitt) and the 500 days refers to about a year and a half of time in which they meet, hook up, have sex, break up, and meet again several times.

Being an indie movie, (500) Days of Summer dares take a less conventional path with this story. It warns you up front “this is not a love story,” and that is key information. Beware! Especially if you are a hopeless romantic: They do find love, but not in the way you might expect.

Part of what makes this (non-)romantic comedy different is the role-reversal between Summer and Tom. She is basically the dude, that doesn’t want commitment and he is the one who believes in romance, fate and one-true-love. She makes it very clear from the beginning what she is looking for, which is a casual, no-strings friendship with benefits (sound familiar?) and he over-interprets what they have as something more than that.

Both Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Lewitt play their parts with charm, grace and considerable cuteness. They pull you along and make you believe as you go through the emotional rollercoaster with them.

As date-movie material goes, this one is a little iffy. Read the above carefully and evaluate where in your relationship you are before using this movie to cement the deal…

It is a good movie but not as light of a snack as I had hoped. If you choose to watch make sure you align your expectations to that opening line “This is not a love story.” Then you’ll be fine.

As a bonus you get to enjoy a great soundtrack, featuring She & Him, Zooey Deschanel’s band doing their song “Please, Please, Please, let me get what I want.”

Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.

Irresponsible 2010 Oscar picks

2009 Movies Reviews, Oscars, Quick Takes

What you should expect:

Every year I plan to see all the movies nominated in the big categories of Best Picture, Best Actor/Actress, Best Supporting Actor/Actress, Best Director and some years even Best Screen Play. Usually I fail miserably and only end up seeing a fraction of all the great films nominated. So in that proud tradition I give you my picks for these categories at the 2010 Oscars.

What I will do is limit myself to the films I have seen, so if you think The Hurt Locker, Precious or The Blind Side are superior to my picks, you may be right. I haven’t seen them, so I can’t comment on them.

Here goes:

Best Picture: Up in the Air

I’m excited that this is the category where I have seen the most of the films nominated and those are Avatar, Up in the Air and District 9. As you will have summised from my reviews, I am not a great fan of Avatar. I think the storyline is trite, and I don’t really care about the big blue people. I enjoyed Riley cum Sigourney Weaver, but she could not make up for the lack of original story. On the other hand, I really loved both District 9 and Up in the Air. District 9 is a wonderful allegory about how we treat those different from us, and in some ways so is Up in the Air. In terms of timeliness and sheer emotional impact as a result of our horrible economy, Up in the Air wins out for me. It had the (mis)fortune of being in the right time at the (wrong) right time and is my pick for Best Picture. I have to give a mention to An Education, which I have not seen, but have to root for simply because it was directed by a fellow Dane.

Best Director: Jason Reitman for Up in the Air

My choices of directors of movies I have seen are James Cameron for Avatar or Jason Reitman for Up in the Air. Let me up front concede that I admire the sheer magnitude of the Avatar project and the technological advances gained through the making of this movie. Unfortunately, it failed to reach me on an emotional level whereas Up in the Air tore at my insides in ways I am still dealing with. Jason Reitman is my clear pick of the two.

Best Actress: Meryl Streep for Julie & Julia

Yes, ladies first! This is not a tough category for me. Meryl Streep was phenomenal as Julia Child in Julie & Julia. She truly became Julia and inspired me to ask for my very own copy of MTAOFC. That I didn’t see any of the movies of the other nominees makes this choice super easy as well.

Best Actor: Jeff Bridges for Crazy Heart

My pool of candidates are George Clooney in Up in the Air and Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart. The two performances are almost night and day to each other. Clooney plays cool as a cucumber with some emotional vulnerability thrown in, so essentially himself, whereas Jeff Bridges goes all out in portraying the down and out country singer. Advantage Jeff Bridges.

Best Supporting Actress: Anna Kendrick for Up in the Air

This is another category where I have three to choose from: Vera Farmiga and Anna Kendrick, both for Up in the Air and Maggie Gyllenhaal, for Crazy Heart. I thought Maggie Gyllenhaal did a nice job in Crazy Heart. Vera Farmiga did a similarly nice job in Up in the Air, but of the three, Anna Kendrick is my favorite. Her character had to undergo the most change over time, and she really brought all sides of that character to life. If you had only seen her in Twilight before, I think you would agree she got a big chance to do a lot more here.

Best Supporting Actor: NA

I have not seen any of the films nominated, so I cannot make an honest choice but my emotional favorite is Woody Harrelson for The Messenger, but only because of Zombieland, which by the way: “Hello!” Way better than some of these “important” films. The same is also true of Star Trek, The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus and Sherlock Holmes - all favorites of mine from 2009. They are “only” recognized for art direction and other technical categories. Hrumph!

Best adapted screenplay: District 9

In this category I can express my opinion about District 9 and Up in the Air. They are both truly excellent stories and movies, so the choice is hard. However, since I have gushed over Up in the Air in all the other categories, I’m going to go with District 9. It leaves a mark as well, and is a very uncomfortable look at how easily we can alienate each other. I do think though, that this is a more fitting award for it than Best Picture would be.

As you can see, this is a very incomplete and myopic view of this years best films, but as they say “write what you know,” so that is what I have done. Out of the 19 movies nominated in these categories I have only seen five. It will be fun to see how accurate I can be with such a small sampling. On the other hand, conventional wisdom may be no more right than I am. The academy can be tricky that way. They like an underdog but sometimes get blinded by the truly huge movies or they will reward more of a lifetime achievement than the specific project. With that in mind, James Cameron, Jeff Bridges and Meryl Streep should all have solid speeches ready - and should keep equally eloquent concession ones in their back pockets just in case.

Best of luck to all!

Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.

The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus (2010)

2010 Movies Reviews, On DVD

What I expected:

Ever since I first heard about this movie, I was excited about it. It has a couple of things going for (and against) it. It was Heath Ledger’s last and very much unfinished movie. A small group of his actor friends stepped in and finished his part in tribute. With friends like Johnny Depp, Jude Law and Colin Farrell the results should be interesting, especially since it is also a Terry Gilliam project. He never makes an “easy” movie to begin with, but always has something bizarre, amazing and disturbing up his sleeve.

What I got:

When the story begins, Dr. Parnassus (Christopher Plummer) is now over a thousand years old. He made a deal with the Devil (Tom Waits,) trading immortality for souls that he would ensnare by telling them his stories. He keept this steady stream of souls coming via his traveling sideshow. Audience members are invited to join their imagination with his, by walking through a magic mirror. What they find behind the mirror is up to them and plenty of them never come back. This all worked fine, until he fell in love with a young woman almost a century ago. He turned to the Devil again asking to become young and handsome, so he can court her. The Devil grants this wish, in return for the life of his first child on her 16^th birthday.

Well the day of reckoning has come. His daughter’s (Lily Cole) birthday is in a couple of days and Parnassus is looking for a way out. The Devil, being him, is always willing to deal. He offers Parnassus his daughter’s life in return for 5 other souls. This would not have been a problem in years past, but the act has gotten stale and people are not interested anymore. Not until the troupe meets Tony (Heath Ledger & friends.) He helps breathe new life into the act, but brings his own set of issues that puts them all in mortal danger.

This is of course just the surface story. Underneath Gilliam explores the fine line between sweet dreams and horrible nightmares and the price we are willing to pay for the happiness of those we love. The Imaginarium is a beautiful and frightening place all at the same time. This is all vintage Gilliam. He never gives you happiness without sadness, good without evil, freedom without a cost.

Everybody is brilliant in their respective roles. Splitting Tony between four actors is a fancy piece of footwork. At times you are not sure which actor is playing him. Obviously, they each have their distinctive styles, but with hair and makeup in place you aren’t always sure who’s who.

If you have enjoyed Gilliam’s previous work like The Brothers Grimm, The Fisher King, and The Adventures of Baron von Munchausen, you will feel right at home with this film. It is not as dark as The Fisher King (few things are) but tacks more towards Munchhausen.

Being so prolific is his great strength and perhaps his greatest weakness and maybe that is why he understands life’s dualities so well? Gilliam is so talented, that his movies sometimes become a little bit of a mess and often don’t reach as big an audience as they might deserve. A shame really, since he always has something worthwhile to say.

Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightening Thief (2010)

2010 Movies Reviews, In Theaters

What I expected:

Rick Riordan has written a series of five wonderful and funny young adult books featuring Percy Jackson and the Olympians. The series does not rival Harry Potter in writing craft or sheer wonder, but it is a fun ride and a great way to learn about Greek mythology. My daughter and I have enjoyed these books together and we wanted the movie to be just as wonderful. However, my heart was filled with dread when I learned that Chris Columbus was the director.

What I got:

I pretty much got exactly what I expected, which is a real shame. Chris Columbus should not be allowed near our favorite books. He was in charge of the early Harry Potter movies, and even if the magic was nicely portrayed, the acting was just horrible, especially from the kids. The Lightening Thief suffers from the exact same problem. The art direction is gorgeous, the special effects are what they should be and a fine cast was assembled, but he still manages to make an almost unwatchable mess out of it all, and fall way short of what it could have been.

The story is fairly straight forward, even if they did leave out most of the funny stuff from the books: Percy Jackson is the son of Poseidon but doesn’t know it. He is growing up in NYC with his single mom and her jerk boyfriend (Joe Pantoliano, who cannot be made to suck, even by the likes of Chris Columbus.) On a school fieldtrip to the Metropolitan Museum of Art Percy finds out that he is a demi-god after a fury threatens his life. She is working for Hades (god of the Underworld) and they believe that Percy has stolen Zeus’ lightening bolt, which he has not. His best friend Grover is revealed to be a satyr protecting him and Grover whisks Percy away to camp half-blood and safety. After finding his place at the camp, Percy accepts the quest to go find the lightening bolt and to bring it back to Zeus on Mount Olympus which is now located above the Empire State Building.

The cast is very strong. It features Uma Thurman as Medusa, Pierce Brosnan as Chiron (the trainer of heroes,) Rosario Dawson as Persephone (Hades wife) and the always delightful Catherine Keener as Percy’s mom - just to name a few. Unfortunately, these talented actors are slumming it here. All of them are capable of so much more. It is as if Columbus went with the first take of every scene without any exploration whatsoever. He specializes in the significant stare and it is on full display here. Pierce Brosnan is especially afflicted, and not just because he is literally acting with a horse’s ass.

The young actors playing Percy (Logan Lerman) and his best friends Grover (Brandon T. Jackson) and Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario) are all too old to be given the child actor treatment, which is clearly what Columbus did to them. I would venture to say that they as well could do so much more.

If you take your kids like I did, they will probably enjoy themselves, even if you, as a sentient human adult, may have trouble doing the same. Restroom breaks and popcorn runs can be your friend here. Just remember: You are doing it for the kids. You may have to repeat that more than once.

Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.