Jul
13
2011
What I Expected:
Pixar has been a near flawless blockbuster animated feature machine. The only real misstep they have had was the first Cars movie. It didn’t bomb so much as fizzle. So, on the one hand I had all the good feeling brought on by Toy Story 3, yet on the other that Cars 2 is the sequel to my least favorite Pixar movie. It was supposed to be a reboot with a whole different set of circumstances and the introduction of some great new characters.
What I got:
Cars 2 is a well made movie technically. It has brilliant visuals and complete mastery of the genre. It even explores some new territory visually, that works just great. And yet, I just didn’t care.
About a third of the way through, I found myself nodding off, which is not a good sign. How could I do that with so much excitement on the screen? Easy. The story is long-winded, almost boring, and the characters have not gotten better since the original telling. Lightning McQueen (voiced by Owen Wilson) is like an animated tranquilizer. He is not particularly likeable, and his voice is too laid back to belong to such a high performance machine.
Mater (Larry the Cable Guy,) the tow truck, takes center stage as he gets himself involved in the world of international espionage – unwittingly of course. Larry the Cable Guy is perfect for this role, but that storyline and thus Mater is way too important in the overall arc, and most of the jokes are at his expense because he is not too bright.
Both the visual and verbal jokes are unreasonable stereotypes of people (in the guise of cars) from around the world. If you told any of these jokes away from the animated realm, you would be booed off stage faster than Andrew Dice Clay. I have a real problem with that. I find it sad that Disney and Pixar are stuck telling jokes that would have made more sense in the 40′s and 50′s.
And then there are the female characters. Again no leading lady. Again no real attempt to have them be integral to the story. Sure, one of the spies is a girl, but she is still second banana to the James Bond-like car (Michael Caine).
Cars 2 and Pixar have taken heat for being creationist with their anthropomorphising of cars as people archetypes. This of course is nonsense. Whatever the religious background or agenda of the creators, that particular charge has no connection to what shows up on screen, and is truly absurd. Lighten up people.
Cars 2 is not my cup of tea. It lacks soul and the humor is too broad for my tastes. Kids will love it, and thus it will be a huge success. Meanwhile I’ll be over here, taking a nap.
Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.
Jul
13
2011
What I expected:
The buzz was good for Bridesmaids. It features an all-female ensemble cast of SNL alums. It was touted as a female Hangover,which I did not like, BTW. Despite that, I was hoping for funny and gross entertainment.
What I got:
Kristen Wiig and Annie Murnolo have created something wonderful here. Bridesmaids is very funny, features much gross-ness yet it does something that was missing from Hangover: It has a heart. Hangover was just absurdist gross-ness, that I personally could not connect with. It was like Jackass with more talented actors, but to much the same effect.
The Apatov machine has created the mold for this new type of ensemble comedy, where the central story is sweet and almost moral, but it is well disguised in foul language, gross-outs and slapstick. Bridesmaids follows that mold, and is on par with 40-Year Old Virgin and Zach & Miri Make a Porno.
Kristen Wiig plays the central character, Annie, who has been asked by her best friend (Maya Rudolph) to be the maid of honor in her wedding, and the story follows the group of women in the bridal party, as they prepare for the big day.
Along the way they ruin a one-of-a-kind and very expensive dress; Annie gets arrested for causing a disturbance on the plane to Vegas (they don’t make it there); adopt a bunch of puppies; and nearly destroy their friendships. Yes, this is actually funny to men and women alike. The trick is in the careful balancing of unlikely situations and outrageous behavior with a storyline that moves the friendships forward, while testing them greatly.
Other than being the first all-female comedy, this is not an important film. It is not deep, and it certainly is not appropriate for anyone under 17. Will we remember it five years from now? I’m not sure, but it sure is a lot of fun in the moment.
Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.
Jul
13
2011
What I expected:
New, hotter girlfriend; Micheal Bay directing; and the promise of making it up to us for Transformers 2 – not a bad pitch. I was excited to see just how good it would be. As an added bonus it would also have the Space Shuttle Discovery in it, filmed during its final launch prep.
What I got:
The Transformers franchise has been in steep decline from the first one to the second. The third is supposed to be the reboot that makes you like Transformer movies again. On that hopeful note, I plopped down my $8.50 for the ticket and a further $8 for popcorn and a drink. Thus settled, I was ready for the awesome to begin.
But it didn’t. This one was just as bad as the second, and certainly much worse than the first. The original Transformers movie at least had the benefit of being novel, and less complicated. This is something sequels rarely seem to get right. Just making everything bigger and more is not enough, if your characters and your storyline suck.
And suck they did. I left the theater after about an hour, because I just couldn’t take it anymore. None of the characters are likeable, especially not the annoying parents, who were such a bad addition in the second movie, when their personalities were let out. And they really are repulsive. I’m sure they are there for comic relief, but they fail to be funny, and instead come across as loud, obnoxious and distracting to the storyline.
The tiny autobots are no better. This time somebody in the art department had the brilliant idea of giving one of them a Rafiki hairdo (from Lion King) which looked really dumb on a robot. Also, they only show up when the story drags a bit and it is time for another “joke.” I understand the need for many characters that can be merchandised, but honestly: Who would want a toy of those creeps. Yes, just about everybody is a creep. Up through and including all the leading roles.
Shia LeBeouf has been turned up to eleven, and he yells and screams most of the time, including at his ultra hot girlfriend (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley of Victoria’s Secret fame.) Her performance actually surprised me. She is actually pretty good, material not withstanding.
Similarly, John Turturro’s portrayal of the conspiracy theorist, turned multi-millionaire is just laughable. He was annoying in the previous movies, but it seems the character coming into money just magnified his tool-ness.
Possibly the worst crime of Transformers 3 is subjecting Alan Tudyk (Wash on Firefly) to the humiliation of playing an effeminate ex-STASI agent who is Turtorro’s security guard. It is just embarrassing. I hope he can pick the tattered pieces of his self-respect and career off the floor and just start over.
I had not spotted the space shuttle footage by the time I walked out, but I’m sure it was abused in some fashion, judging by the rest of this mess.
No, Transformers is not on an upward trajectory again. It is nose-diving into the muck. What a shame.
Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.
Jul
7
2011
1998 was a busy year for asteroid-disaster movies like Armageddon and Asteroid, so it is refreshing to see that the makers of Deep Impact decided to hoe a completely different row: It’s not an asteroid this time. It’s a comet! OK, “novelty” aside, Deep Impact is the more sober of the lot. It takes a hard look at who gets to live, and who gets to die when the world ends. It’s not pretty for the old, the sick or the unchosen. With the introduction of the ark-metaphor for the survivors, it takes on a pseudo-Left-Behind-quality and walks a fine line between engaging and gripping made-for-TV movie and a parody of the genre. I think it stays on the right side of the line. Robert Duvall is slumming here as a veteran astronaut who is put in charge of a team that flies Space Shuttle Atlantis up to the comet, and tries to blow it into pieces. This doesn’t work, and human kind is faced with the awful choice of who gets to be saved and who doesn’t. The cast is a strong showing of supporting actors and actresses like Téa Leoni, Eliah Wood (before Frodo,) Vanessa Redgrave, Laura Innis, Leelee Sobieski, Richard Schiff, and Morgan Freeman as a black U.S. president 12 years before that happened for real. It’s all a little heavy-handed and preachy, but can certainly hold your attention and if so choose give you something to think about.
Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.
Jul
7
2011
In case the title did not give it away, Armageddon is a Disaster movie with a capital “D. “As summer block busters go, it holds up pretty well. Even though it is over a decade old, it still provides plenty of explosions per running minute to satisfy even the most ADD among us. This is Michael Bay at his finest. Completely implausible, bombastic and a near relentless assault on your senses. Plot, smot, who needs one when you can blow stuff up for 2 hours. OK there is a story in there that serves as the excuse to enjoy this movie. The cast is a who’s who of film’s finest that year: Bruce Willis, Ben Affleck, Steve Buscemi, Michael Clarke Duncan, and the ever so lovely Liv Tyler. Also starring is the space shuttle Atlantis. Its role is brief, as it gets shredded to pieces in the first few minutes of the movie by rogue asteroids. Don’t expect to get smarter watching Armageddon, but you should expect to thoroughly enjoy yourself. I know I did. Again.
Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.
Jul
7
2011
Space Camp follows a group of kids and their instructor at NASA space camp. The leader is herself a real astronaut, who just hasn’t flown any missions yet. Her dream is to become the first female flight commander. She sort of gets her wish, through a rather contrived story line. Space Camp is obviously a propaganda film for NASA and the shuttle program. The shuttle in question is Atlantis which had just flown its first mission the year before, i.e. while this movie was being filmed. Coincidentally, Atlantis will be the last shuttle to blast into space – hopefully tomorrow, July 8. The story line is hard to buy and the acting is so-so. Be warned: The cast is headlined by Cate Capshaw, Lea Thompson, and Kelly Preston. Not a strong line-up folks. Capshaw in particular could not act her way out of a paper bag. What you do get is a nice behind-the-scenes look at the early decade of shuttle space flight. If you can stand the kids, and the annoying robot, it is a fun time capsule of what we dreamed was possible just 30 years ago. Let’s dream big like that together again.
Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.
May
15
2011
What I expected:
The studio behind Ice Age 1, 2, & 3 is behind Rio, and that by itself made me nervous. I liked the first Ice Age, but they became dumber and dumber with each subsequent sequal. I had concerns that the studio had lost its way, and didn’t know how to tell a good story any more, without resorting to gross-out. I allowed myself to be convince to go anyway on the strength of the lead actors Anne Hathaway and Jesse Eisenberg, who both consistently deliver excellent performance.
What I got:
I love it when I am wrong, and thus get blown away by how good a movie is. Rio is one of those movies. It is visually stunning, has a good story, and has the main characters evolving the way you want them to throughout the movie. I really like Rio for its rich and textured look and for the care that was taken to make the city of Rio a character all by itself in the story.
The story revolves around a blue macaw, named appropriately enough, Blue (voiced by Jesse Eisenberg.) He is captured in the rainforest of Brazil as a chick and brought to Minnesota, where he is adopted by Linda. She is a young girl who grows up with him to become the book-knowledge wise, but very cautious owner of a bookstore. One day a Brazilian scientist visits the store to tell her that Blue is the only male left of his kind. The scientist invites Linda and Blue to come to Brazil with him, so Blue can mate with the only remaining female to preserve the species. Anne Hathaway plays the girl bird, Jewel, who does not like being in captivity and is constantly trying to escape.
Along the way the two birds are stolen in order to be sold to a rare-bird collector. They again try to escape, but it is made all the more difficult, because Blue never learned how to fly and the two of them were chained together by their kidnappers. To make matters worse, the kidnappers have an enforcer, who is a mean old bird, who would like nothing better than to kill them both.
In the proud tradition of animated movies everywhere, parts of the story is moved along through song. In this case rich Samba rhythms, as the story unfolds during the Carnival celebration. This results in fantastic scenery and breathtaking choreography, especially of the birds and the dancers in the parade. Will.i.am of The Black Eyed Peas, produced the soundtrack and wrote some original songs as well. He not only keeps the vibe flowing, but he also voices the part of one of the birds that help Blue and Jewel along the way.
Throughout the movie, you are carried along by the life-force of the party and the personalities in it. If you need a little boost as the rain sweeps across the land again this week, Rio will be sure to give you exactly what you need.
Rio is a thoroughly enjoyable feast for all your senses. You don’t have shell out for 3D to make it worth it. Either version is sure to make you shake your tail-feathers and dance the samba on your way out of the theater.
Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.
May
15
2011
What I expected:
Just look at the No Strings Attached poster. Natalie Portman getting dressed after sex. Need I say more? Oh OK, I guess I do: Natalie is a great actress and she has shown herself capable of comedy as well as the dramatic. Ashton Kutcher is her counterpart, and he is clearly with the comedy, so I hoped they would deliver a funny and cute romantic comedy.
What I got:
As the title suggests, No Strings Attached, is the story of two people who decide to have a platonic relationship where they just have sex, without it meaning anything. They enjoy each others bodies and that should be all you need, right? Well, obviously it isn’t and they get their emotions caught between what they say out loud and how they really feel.
What is refreshing here, is that Portman gets to play the “dude,” in the sense that she is the one that is not looking for commitment, while Kutcher gets to play the “woman,” who wants more and hopes to make the relationship about more over time. They both do a credible job of this role-reversal, though it is clear, that Portman doesn’t really connect with her character. She is, it seems, not quite comfortable in the realm of comedy. Kutcher can do this all day long, without even breaking a sweat.
There is plenty of fun as the complications unfold, but I never really had the sense that their hearts were in it. No Strings Attached is harmless fun, but it never attains greatness. For as many times as they have simulated sex, the passion and soul, just doesn’t show up to match. I get that part of the point is that the sex is meaningless, but as a RomCom it still fails to convince that they either don’t care, or that they do, once they cross over into a relationship.
You’ll enjoy it while it lasts, but then quickly forget it again.
Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.
May
1
2011
What I expected:
We all know the story of Little Red Riding Hood, and we all have a personal relationship with the story. Whether you grew up on the Disney version, the original Grimm Brothers version, or some other hybrid you know YOUR Riding Hood. I’m an originalist when it comes to the dark German fairy tales retold by the Grimms, so I did not want it messed with. On the other hand, you can’t make a two-hour movie out of it either, so something had to give. I just hoped it was the right something.
What I got:
This is really a story about the women of a small village deep in the Dark Forest. The story centers around Valerie’s (Amanda Seyfried) love affair with a wood cutters son and her mother’s (Virginia Madsen) disapproval of that union. She herself married for love, and as a result have lived a life in poverty. She doesn’t want Valerie to live the same way, so she has arranged a marriage to a well-to-do young man for Valerie. Grandma (Julie Christie) is not pleased with that. She still believes love is the way to go. The betrothed also understands that Valerie does not love him, but he hopes that she could some day. Refreshingly, he is not the bad guy here, and proves to be a decent fellow. The other men of the village concern themselves largely with defending against the Werewolf that regularly terrorizes them.
Obviously, this situation is not sustainable and once the delicate balance is disturbed, things take a turn for the worse. The story has a twist at the end, that you may be able to figure out part way through, but enough doubt remains that you can’t be sure until the very end.
Does this sound like your Little Red Riding Hood?
It doesn’t mine. The most charitable interpretation I can come up with is that the producers wanted to ensure they had a hit on their hands. If they had named it “forbidden love in a dark forest with werewolves,” the box office success would have been a lot less certain. As it stands, you feel cheated, but still entertained. It is not a great movie, but it passes the time pleasantly enough. The wolf looks fake, and having Valerie’s cape be the only splash of color in the whole movie seems forced. Also, it is shot very darkly, so you get kinda tired of all that gloom.
Red Riding Hood is safe for all ages, but why spoil your kids’ fairy tale memories this way?
It may however be perfectly good for something else. If you are planning a night of making out in the theater, I can think of no better movie for it. You won’t care if you miss any of it, and it is dark enough for some of your sneakier moves.
Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.
May
1
2011
What I expected:
The Narnia franchise has been very uneven in its latest incarnation from Disney. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe was a brilliant new milestone in fantasy movie-making. It was gorgeous, epic and well-paced. Prince Caspian, on the other hand was dull, monochromatic and downright depressing. So what is a critic to expect of installment number 3? I was hoping some lessons were learned from Caspian, and that The Voyage of the Dawn Treader would prove a worthy successor to the first one.
What I got:
Jubilation! The magic is back. The Voyage of the Dawn Treader is bright, fantastical and still leaves you hating Edmund, even if he has grown into a slightly less loathsome person than he was in the first one. Lucy is the real star this time and her charm has only blossomed. They are both a bit older, and are staying with their cousin, whose household is full of strictures, which they obviously see as being there to be broken. The cousin on the other hand is a real prig. He is also the only false note in the whole thing. He is constantly whining, and he does much to make Edmund seem down right sympathetic by comparison.
The Dawn Treader is a magical ship, captained by Caspian, and this time they enter Narnia through a painting of the ship. The painting suddenly leaks the ocean into the house, and they find themselves swimming to the surface of the sea close to the ship. The crew haul them in, and they are off on another adventure. This time they have to gather a set of magic swords, but are challenged in doing so, by powerful magical forces beset on keeping them apart.
This is real fairy tale adventure, and we find ourselves swept along in swashbuckling and magic folk to great entertainment and delight. Georgine Henley has grown into a very good actress as she portrays Lucy. Skandar Keynes is Edmund, and with a name like that you almost have to become a fantasy movie actor, I think. Tilde Swinson is back as the White Witch, if only briefly. Tilde is always excellent, and she doesn’t disappoint. Ben Barnes is again Prince Caspian. He is too pretty to be taken seriously, but adds his rippling abs to many a heroic action scene.
If you like the Narnia universe, this movie is the stuff for you. Even if you aren’t a huge fan, it is sure to delight. C.S. Lewis hasn’t made it easy for film makers to stay true to the material and make a good movie at the same time, but Disney pulls it off in fine style this time around. I can highly recommend it.
Niels Hansen is the co-owner of Hansen Creative Services, a graphic design firm near Columbus, Ohio which specializes in employee communications and small business marketing.